I keep putting off writing this because I just don’t know how.

I want to keep it simple but it’s not. Everything I write on this blog is intensely personal, honest, and the most exposed I ever allow myself to be. Since starting the blog, an immense amount has happened that I would have never otherwise imagined. There were first dates and blind hook ups. There were heartbreaks and perpetual longings. There were the fast and furious fucking and then the sweet moments in between.

Sex became important in more ways than its physical pleasure, and writing about it gave me a better grasp of how I felt, what I did. It allowed me the courage to jump into kinky encounters with a spirit of fearless discovery. And that has taught me an incredible amount.

But, I’m a writer, first and foremost, and it’s hard to limit my writing to one subject: sex, and written in such a way as to perhaps arouse a reader. Too much gets attached to sex, so that it’s not fair to you if you are looking to get off and have to wade through my layers of emotional turmoil. And it’s not fair for me to try to capture every experience through the same lens. I haven’t, I hope, but I’m afraid I’ll want to if I keep doing this.

And, of course, quite a few people who know who I am in real life read this blog, and it is inevitable that it makes me a bit uncomfortable. I never want to censor what I write according to who I think might read it, and to do that would be such a pathetic way out that I might as well stop altogether. I hate to think that people might trivialize this, and call it a novelty. Oh look she likes S&M. How kinky. How bizarre. What a slut. But no, even if they don’t, that is what I’ll be thinking in the back of my mind and I hate that.

I don’t want to stop doing anything that I do, that I want to do because I fear what someone else might think. I never have and I don’t plan to start. So I won’t be writing here in the way that I have been any more. This is a sort of goodbye. I will probably still post the occasional photo and short clips of writing. Perhaps I’ll start another blog, because I do love this and I’d hate to lose it. Perhaps I’ll leave a hint for what it is, somewhere in the archives after a while, if you care enough to look. If you’ve been reading thus far, I want you to know that I appreciate it. I wish reality as it is wouldn’t interfere.

So this is it, for now, here, at least. In the meantime, if you have any questions, comments, stories you’d care to share…I’d absolutely love to hear them. Better still: email me (sexandsmut at gmail dot com), and we can have a conversation, your confidentiality guaranteed if you request it.

Thank you for reading all along. I’ll be continuing my debaucheries of course, and I hope you all let go of those silly inhibitions and preconceptions and allow yourselves the liberty to be a libertine, and find your own inner slut.

xoxo